Today I got up at six. In a dream, I asked someone how my mother was. I was anxious if she still felt abandoned by her daughters. She’d like to return her flat. She lived alone and had been hoarding tons of garbage all over her flat. We have already vacated her flat but she hasn’t known it. We will have to pay much money for restoration soon. But she doesn’t think she needs to pay for it. She hadn’t understood money before she had dementia. She liked to waste money but she didn’t understand she had to pay money back. I have to learn money for my mother.
Today I got up at quarter past six. I’m still sleepy.
What would I do if I had economical freedom? I’d plan to go on a voyage around the world. I’d move to Tokyo and go to a high-class hotel to have lunch everyday. I’d find a nursing home in Tokyo for my mother.
If I had enough money, I had lots of dreams to realize. What would I like to do the most?
Today I got up at six.
Today I go to work to earn the cost of living.
My mother is my future after thirty years. It might be my future after twenty years. She had dementia now. She can’t walk now. Two months ago, she lived by herself. She went into hospital and now she moved to the facility. As she has risk of falling to the ground, she moves by wheelchair. She isn’t allowed to walk now. She always complains about something. She condemns her daughters as she hadn’t like to enter in the facility.
I understand my mother feels lonely. If I were my mother, I would feel lonely too. But we can’t take care of her all day long. We have to work to earn the cost of living for ourselves and her.
I don’t have any children. I have to save money against my future.
Today I got up at six. I haven’t imagined I could continue miracle morning for seventy days. I’m sleepy and I’d like to go to bed longer. But I always get up at six and have time for miracle morning every day.
I’m thinking about my future every morning. I’m pushed for time. I don’t have enough time to go abroad now. When I retire, I’d like to go on a voyage around the world. But what’s the next? Nobody cares when I get up and where I go. Nobody depends on me.
I can’t put up with such monotonous work daily life.
Today I got up at six.
I don’t want to be bound to money. Time is limited. I feel I’m always pushed for time. I work hard for money. I earn for squandering on money. I’m not sure if I help someone. I have to change my life.
Today I got up at quarter past six.
Yesterday I went to the geriatric health services facility to see my mother. She told she was going to the police office. She has got angry that her daughters entered her into the facility and blamed that we didn’t live with her to take care of her. Furthermore she reproached her husband repeatedly. Now she can’t take care of herself and someone has to take care of her all time. If she lived in my apartment, I had to quit my job. We would not be able to live on if I were out of work.
She stays in a dementia ward. Her roommates looked more comprehensive than her. She knew she couldn’t walk. But she didn’t know that she couldn’t stay at home alone.
Today I got up at seven.
Last night I went to see a building offering for five hundred million yen in Minato Ward. The building was unsold because it had low profit. If I was a great business owner, I had the building giving 20% discount.
Today I got up at quarter past six. I slept well last night.
I’d like to take my mother out to see cherry blossoms. But I haven’t got any transport. She enters into the geriatric health services facility where I have to walk for twenty five minutes at the nearest station. It is difficult to pick up a taxi. But I’ll try this weekend.
Today I got up quarter past six.
I’m thinking about my mother. I still remember beautiful young mother. She was active and always busied herself with work. I depended on her. Now she depends on her daughters. She couldn’t change her dress by herself. Before she went into the hospital, she lived alone and went to the hospital every day. Now she can’t take care of herself at all. Probably her dementia has progressed in the hospital. She is my future. But I don’t have any children to take care of me.
Today I got at quarter past six.
Yesterday my mother left the hospital and entered into the geriatric health services facility. We moved there by taxi. First she was excited which interesting place she would go. However, when she looked fields out of the window, she made a lot of noise. She told us she’d like to go back to the office and go to bed. When we took her to the facility, she asked us if we stayed there together. We replied “no” and left there.
I felt a pang of guilt that we took her there. But she can’t take care of herself any more. We can’t take care of her all day.